Saturday 11th September 2010
Dorchester spArtans 13 Vs. Poole 8
Today’s repentant sinners were:
a – Toad
b – Alex
c – Borries
d – Broaders
e – Kinger
f – Woody
g – Goodie
h – Daddy
i – DC
j – Kojak
k – Deadly
l – Bamboo Caine
m – Miller Lite
n – Deep Fat Fry
o – Rob Mugaby
p – Morris Minor
q – Sexy Beast
r – Silver Birch
Oh Praise the Lord, the new season is upon us, but sadly I lost my funny bone in Cape Town watching that kissy kissy sport so this week’s report is going to reflect the sombre mood we found ourselves in at 1.30.
Thankfully, at 1.31 Dudley arrived with his dodgy yellow barnet and service was resumed as normal, what together with the green keeper attending to Chris’ neatly trimmed beard, Toad’s hang over, or the bamboo struggling to get his head through the door, soon we found ourselves in high spirits.
Having been denied permission to play on the big boys pitch (the wrong type of grass apparently), we kicked off and took the game to Poole, but as the early morning mist and rain was replaced by bright sunshine, everyone wilted whilst we ran around like headless chickens...but then it was the first game of the season.
Given history is written by the winners, so shall this account (despite our best efforts to come second) and individually we played great(ish). Although our hooker was really a prop, 7/10 throw-in’s went to hand (just not always ours). In the back row, we had our tried and tested trio starting, but a lack of pre-season was evident. New 9 – 10 combo played well together, Kojac even getting brave enough to answer back at one stage, but Mugaby seemed to have lost his voice and I suspect he ate a butter sandwich prior to k.o. too: There were obstacles to be overcame, but we did. Good initial tackling and turnover of ball caused Poole to frequently infringe ultimately giving us an easy 3 points in front of the posts that Mr Cree only just got over, but get them he did (unlike his woeful kicking from hand).
Poole had good chances, but our tackling kept them at bay, oh yes that’s right, except for that one missed tackle resulting in a 3 – 5 score line. Thankfully all this did was make us beat them with our bamboo and one wriggly jiggly run later, Mr Cree kicked the extras and at halftime we found ourselves 10 – 5 up. Sadly for us, Fry’s Chocolate Cream had to go to work and diddy dudders hurt his cankle, so our second-half backs were a little short in most things with a second row and number 8 on the wings: This wasn’t helped by the centre’s refusal to either pass, or when they did, to not pass backwards (despite the wingers best efforts) which stopped us from converting our numerous chances. The jelly belly had a few sold runs, but the second half remained nip and tuck, even more so when our penalty count went through the roof, and they took the points in front of the posts to reduce the gap to 10 – 8.
Further chances were missed before that moment of magic, when one man / boy decides to win the game single handily, and no, I’m not on about Bamboo’s banana run, but the pre-planned move 5m out when the backs went left, but Kojac went right by himself (ignoring said move) and then he tried a drop goal that went out for a throw in. Thankfully though, the last ten were spent camped in their 22 and the pressure finally told and with the last kick of the game Mr Cree made it 13 – 8.
Miles from our best, but a win is a win.
Man of the match was Kojac for his near perfect game in his debut at senior level, sadly that drop goal attempt also got him dick of the day too.
Next week all three teams are at home together, drinks aplenty, start at 20...
