There are certain games that no one needs to get you ready for: Sometimes there will be personal reasons, maybe playing against former team mates, memories of previous good/bad games or most importantly when playing against local rivals. Into this category for me comes Weymouth, against whom I played my first game for Dorchester, Bridport against whom in 4 years of trying I have yet to be on a winning side against and Swans, against whom I played with Andy Daw (in my humble opinion one of the finest captain the club has had) for the final time (where I scored my greatest try - I chipped the ball and everything - and had my eye brow stitched back together by a vet in the bar).
So this week away to Bridport, and a game when several players (myself top of the list) had points to prove being pushed for their places. The runners and riders were:
- Steve 'The Guv'nor' Holland
- Ross 'Why can't forwards take quick penalties' Maclaren
- Simon 'It's a long standing medical condition' Joslin
- Dan 'Through the pain' Underhill
- Adam 'The reason forwards don't take quick taps' Makepeace
- 6. Rob 'Never want to prop again' Woods
- Jamie 'Look for the cut back inside' Critchley
- Tony "How'd I do Simon? You were shit" O'Connell
- Nick ' Lightening' Charlier
- Jim 'Ray Finkle' Rossiter
- Hugh 'The Geezer' Pryce
- Tom 'Utterly butterly' Clifford
- Anthony 'I want to play 10' Biswell
- Jon 'Leaping Salmon' West
- Dave 'F@*K You All' Clark
- Simon 'Sick note' Pengelly
- Pete 'This is how mobile 2nd row's do it' Pring
- Dan 'I want a place in the starting XV' Cree
- John 'Just glad to be here' Harris
The message before kick off was a reminder that rugby is a simple game made hard when people panic and rush, that we should concentrate on getting the basics right, build a platform, then play the game we can. From the start though it was clear this message had fallen on deaf ears: We played as individuals losing the ball repeatedly in contact, we failed to lock and load, and we failed to have forward runners off 10, so that when the backs did have good ball, the Bridport defence were easily able to line us up and contain us. Infringements at the break down also cost us dear, and the first 20 minutes was a battle in the midfield with Bridport making the most of their chances and taking a 6-point lead.
Sometimes though, it actually takes playing this badly to make you wake up, and as confidence built and players remembered to do the horrible stuff too we began to take charge, and it was Bridport's turn to infringe at the breakdown. Little ol' Jim had a return to form controlling the game from 10 (linked to he renewed weight watchers membership) and kicking two difficult penalties to level the score, Nick having a great game constantly providing quick and accurate ball to Jim and the back row finally began to get into the game clearing rucks (although not yet making tackles).
Both 2nd row players having points to prove with a combined total of 15 minute playing time so far this year had mixed games with a couple of lung bursting runs (over two meters) but their lack of game time and general fitness (something to do with the their pie and ale diets) preventing them from really getting around the park. Despite our improved display though 'composure' is the word of the day: Penalty in front of the posts on the 22', if scored would give us a 6 -9 lead going into halftime but no, one of our second row players who has a friend called Dempsey decided no one was taking charge took a quick tap himself (naturally it came to nothing) and the chance disappeared like smoke in the wind. Young Clark Jnr having allowed the Bridport centre to get under his skin was repeatedly warned about his mouth by the referee and had to come off at half time, with the Cree man going onto the wing and Jon going to full back.
The first scrum of the second half saw the gimp go off moaning about the NHS waiting list for his hip replacement, and although Pete came on to show how very mobile he was, he certainly didn't have as comfortable a bottom to drive forward. That change aside we quickly set about taking the game to Bridport and they began to infringe more and more, with only last ditch tackles preventing the Dorch backs from breaking through. Good hands (for a remarkable change) from Cliffwell (our very own version of Jedward) in the centres frequently saw our wingers getting the ball in space but the defence held firm...until another thrusting break from the backs saw Nick tackled short of the line, but thankfully one of the back row was on hand to take a gut pass and drive over from 5cm out whilst ignoring the calls from Clover on his shoulder.
Conversion missed but leading 6 - 11, we really should have gone on to see the game out and score more, but yet again we just lacked composure, forgetting what we have been practicing in training and allowing Bridport back into the game. Their 10 who had been a thorn in our side all game scoring a controversial try in the corner and despite being less then a metre away and seeing him go into touch first, the referee, touch judge and third official all of whom where miles away somehow gave the score.
It really was only brave tackling from both teams that prevented any other tries being scored including one tackle made by Dan Cree with his face that caused Woody to get a nose bleed in sympathy. We took all the 50/50 balls, disrupted their lineout, broke tackles and carried the ball well, and eventually another Jimbo penalty restored our lead but this was short lived: Dorchester gave away a penalty, then we kicked the ball away (you know who you are you prat) and the referee gave them another 10m taking Bridport into kicking range: 14 - 14. The crowd now got on our backs and Bridport pushed for the win and yet another penalty for an infringement at the breakdown after more missed tackles saw with 4 minutes left Bridport take the lead, 17 - 14: Time for a cameo from Simon 'Man flu' Pengelly.
I asked for a response and boy did the lads give it throwing everything at the Bridport line until the referee awarded a penalty just to the left of their posts again on the 22'. What to do? Kickable penalty to draw or throw the ball wide and try get a winning score? Rightly or wrongly I selected the posts just as the ref's watch went 'beep' and he calmly said it was the last kick of the game: No pressure then Jim (now looking a deathly shade of green). The crowd went silent, Bridport stood dejected before us, Jim took one last look at the posts and bang...I was transported into the world of Ace Ventura and Ray 'Laces out' Finkle. Suffice to say games are won and lost over 80 minutes not with the last kick of the game and the hard truth of the matter is aside from the Ellingham and Ringwood game we are continuing to lose games we really shouldn't be.
Yes I am a poor captain, and yes you are all rubbish at rugby, but if we trained? Gentleman, I have a dream...
Man of the match was Rob Woods, not just for this performance, but for the way he has been playing every week, although Nick and Jon too had excellent games (and for effort alone anyone wearing 1-19 deserved it). Dick of the day had to be Simon Pengelly for many many many reasons, none more so then almost being sent off by the referee before he had even come on the pitch.
Look out next week, it's the long awaited return of cow head himself who, although I am no betting man, I am sure will try his best to get the dick of the day award.
