Match report entitled: When boys became men, or more sadly, the day the Gladiators died.
When the fixtures were first announced it seemed painfully stupid that as soon as the season should get underway we'd be given a week off after the first game. Therefore in order to keep the continuity going, and to give the police a game before their first cup match, a friendly was agreed between the two sides, incorporating a mixed Dorchester side. It was agreed that the A XV would play the first half, and the Gladiators (with whom my heart truly belongs) the second half.
Lining up to start the game were:
1/ Alex 'I just need to give an opinion' Duncan
2/ Ross ' I would like to hook but I'm delicate' McDonald
3/ Richard 'What excuse would you like for me not training this week' Borries
4/ Adam 'Inspirational talking is not my strong point' Makepeace
5/ Karim 'I can't run because my hand hurts' Nooneknowshowtospellmysecondnameandiamnotactuallyfrench
6/ Simon 'Why does no one else realise I'm better then chalker' Pengelly
7/ Chris 'Can you see my tan in this light' Rochfort
8/ Mark 'Where are all the other Gladiators' Andrews
9/ Dan 'Where's the beach gone' Cree
10/ Wes 'If I had any teddies left I'd throw them out of my pram' Lewis
11/ Owen 'Can't believe I'm starting' Spratt
12/ Joe 'All the ladies love I'm in a band' Gower
13/ Leigh 'I was just clearing out a ruck when I kicked him in the nuts' Ford
14/ James 'I never want to play first team rugby whilst Mike Sprules is coach' Baker
15/ Anthony 'Is Mike watching me spill the high ball again' Biswell
16/ Dave 'I'm not playing on the wing cry baby' Clark
17/ Jordan 'I'm going home because Owen is starting' Mockett
18/ Robin 'I'm good for nothing as I'm off to canada' Goodfellow
19/ Lawrence ‘Just give me a chance roger’ Sorrybutidontknowyoursurname
20/ Jamie ‘I’m so good I don’t have to turn up’ Powell
21/ Mike ‘Why run when you can walk’ Solway
22/ Tim ‘What ever Borries said is my excuse too’ Couzens
23/ Allan ‘No Roger I don’t want to run the bloody touch again’ Bleakley
Having been delayed getting to the ground whilst I supervised the staff cleaning the moat out, I arrived to find a fractious and bad tempered group heading of to the changing room before kick off. With the two Clark’s acting more like the two Ronnie’s, and everyone confused about the utter lack of Gladiator’s at the ground, it was time for another famous Tony team talk that has so far inspired the A XV to no wins this season. However this time something was different, could it be Baker on the wing who now he’s slimmed down and has a neck again may have some pace, Dan Cree starting at scrum half following in a long line of quality players who have traveled up the ridge way or Chris R through a staggering amount of back row injuries finally getting a start in the back row? Whatever it was I’m taking all the credit for my rousing words before kick off and all game from the sidelines (even if at one stage of the game I actually found myself running touch on the wrong side of the pitch).
As for the game, the first half it was nip and tuck: Dorset Police trying to keep the ball amongst their bigger forwards, or using their fly half as a battering ram, whilst Dorch ignoring all of Rogers words of advice before kick off tried to take them on up front. This might have worked had the big men like Chris, karim and Stilts remembered Steve Underhill’s aeroplane move into contact rather then their plank like running, but it was some what against the run of play just like Saturday that the opposition scored first. The question was, how would Dorset respond? Well they started listening that’s what they did, and when the backs moved the ball we looked dangerous, no one more so then the slippery Baker (but more on his slipperiness later) who scored after a well worked move. Both teams continued to pile on the pressure when Big Rog made his first move sending on his beloved son Dave C and what an impact he had getting sin binned almost immediately (Peeley collect your money) having allowing a Dorchester Old Boy to wind him up in front of the ref. Again Dorchester lacked level heads in key positions at key moments, taking quick penalties, when not having lost a lineout a ball to the corner would have been the better option. However Dorchester again making space out wide with their faster backs scored, no sorry FAILED to score what would have been the try of the match when Bis was put into space following good fast hands from the centres, ran into the 5 meter area, drew the full back across then passed inside to Baker who tried to catch the ball with his belly button and knocked it on. Despite this, both teams managed to get further scores as the Police proved they were an equal match for the A XV and as the whistle went, both teams left the field two tries each.
They say you’ll always remember where you were the day the big things happen, you know like the first time you have a poo look down and it’s just disappeared, or when you first discovered Pamela, hand cream and toilet tissue are the greatest combination in the world, but to this list I add the day I saw Wes Lewis and everyone else on the pitch for the A XV become men, and the fine tradition of the Gladiators die when Allan alone was the sole Gladiator who turned up to play. I say this as the untold story of the first half was a team on the edge, ready to either come together as a team and play great rugby or implode and all dreams of promotion would be out the window but I should not have worried.
The second half Dorchester were like men possessed, the forwards for once clearing out every ruck, driving forward every maul, winning their scrums and lineout’s and giving the backs quick ball so they could play with flair and gay abandon. All the kicks were chased; the police were forced to constantly turn ball over, gaps were found, overlaps created and tries scored by the backs. Clarke knowing he owed the team something special, and having seen Dan Cree lay down a strong marker to make the number 9 shirt his own had the half of his life, and together with Wes showed what a dangerous combination they could be. Cool heads were kept (in some cases only just though), centres were given ball they could run onto, miss passes found their mark and Wes’ kicking from hand was a master class, so much so that Richie B was seen to be taking notes in how it should be done.
That’s not to say everything went our way, Goodfellow lasted all of 30 seconds turning up for one run then going back off injured, Mark Andrews hurt his shoulder trying to do his corset back up before halftime, and Joe G showed he’s not superman really having to go off injured after another big hit on the opposition resulted in him doing himself more damage, not to mention Ross who without anyone to wrap him in cotton wool dislocated his shoulder in an uncontested scrum. However Lawrence came on and had a fine game as did all the subs that all came on (well at least those that turned up and didn’t go off in a sulk) in such a seamless way that the fluidity of the Dorchester attacks continued unchanged and we scored further tries with Baker getting on the score sheet again, but it should have been more with both Leigh and Solway ignoring overlaps to run back into heavy forwards whilst ignoring the overlaps outside them. A word of caution though, the Police fielded a scratch side missing many of their regular players, and we only breached their impressive defence twice in the second half despite enjoying 75% of the possession.
Finally, despite all the good rugby played from those I’ve already mentioned and those I haven’t, man of the match went to Leigh FORD who was the only player to keep a calm head throughout, playing excellent rugby in both half except for his moment of madness when he kneed our own Lee Turner (admittedly playing in blue) in the crown jewels, right in front of the referee and tried to claim he was clearing out a ruck…tut tut tut.
Those that didn’t pay their subs £2.50 next week please, and remember to confirm your availability by Tuesday for next Saturdays away trip to Ellingham and Ringwood 2’s, and a thank you to the Police for a well fought game. |
