'Tickled pink' - A losers tale.
Having checked the results from week 1 and seen Ellingham and Ringwood 2's lost their first game 52-0 it was with a certain erectile excitement I attended selection on Tuesday so I could best plot the further destruction of a team that had only been promoted this year: Sadly how quickly being the A XV Captain bubble has burst.
I have been reminded of that Craig David song..."Peeley said no on Monday, Boggle said I need half your team on Tuesday, but on Wednesday Thursday and Friday, Dave Gower took the rest and said sorrrrrrry" or we could try a little Amy Winehouse for when I was phoning around..."Tony asked me could play for the seconds and I said NO NO NO".
Come Thursday the writing was on the wall when a lowly number turned up for training but as they say every cloud has a silver lining: Alan Bleakly still training hard showed what an asset he'll be when the Glads season gets underway in two weeks, Johnny Hunter made a guest appearance and agreed to swell our numbers and other Glads keen to play followed in the footsteps of Alfie and Alan and agreed to join us on the long trip to Ellingham and Ringwood, so further thanks go to Steve Carr and Tim Stevens:
The Scratch XV:
1/ Alex 'Born Leader' Duncan
2/ Ross 'I can't see' McDonald
3/ Mike 'No I never' Solway
4/ Ben 'Can I play every week' Greensmith
5/ Tim 'The rock' Stevens
6/ Rob 'I always new I'd be a great flanker' Wood
7/ Rob 'I hate you so much I off to Canada' Goodfellow
8/ Tony 'Still haven't played in a winning game' O'Connell
9/ Dave 'Ow my hand hurts a little a need to come off' Clark10/ Jamie 'This is a waste of time I'm going to pretend I've hurt myself to get off early' Powell 11/ Steve 'Sorry but I left my fast boots at home' Carr 12/ Toby '80 minutes of being munched' Waddington 13/ Leigh 'I'm sorry but fact is I do know better then the rest of you' Ford 14/ Johnny 'I wasn't stamping sir, my foot was just resting there' Hunter 15/ Jam 'I really want that muppet of the match award' Harries
16/ Bill 'I don't want to play the first half as I can cover every position from the bench' Gates.
The minibus of justice set off and I've got to be honest there was a certain something in the air, but whatever it was is was quickly covered with the stench of sharts (farting when you need sh...), which wasn't helped as all excitement drained at the driving of Roger 'Miss Daisy' Clark trusting the directions of Toby over the satnav. However we arrived in plenty of time to get warmed up, to get the adrenalin pumping and lets be honest take a thumping. However credit to everyone who turned up, no one let there head drop, no one gave up and everyone tried their very best to get the muppet of the match award, and here are some of the contenders:
1/ Jam Harries: Having caught a high ball (possible man of the match for this alone) couldn't decide if he should run or kick so did a combination of both, running into the oncoming players and then trying to kick it so that it went two foot straight to one of their players who caught it and scored.
2/ Jam Harries: Having attacked their line and gotten nose bleeds as we nearly scored they stole the ball and cleared their lines. As we jogged back to their 10m line Jam alone decided it would be a good idea to chase the ball back to our 22, take a quick throw in to himself, thrown it to far, panic as their wingers got closer, miskick it on the half volley straight to their player who then ran under the posts to score.
3/ Jam Harries: Clearly struggling with his confidence (no idea why as there was no doubt as to muppet of the match) Jam attacked an up and under running onto the ball as Toby and their winger chased back neck and neck. Rather then risk trying to catch the ball and knock it on again, Jam went for a Paulo Di Canio style scissors volley missing the ball, almost knocking Toby's head off but catching his trailing leg so that he want arse over tit landing on his head (Jam that is).
Mickey taking aside Jam was not alone in having an off day, but his was particularly bad and it'll be back to training with the forwards on Tuesday. Like everyone else though Jam didn't give up making tackles, with almost all the E & R tries coming from their fast guys out stripping us on the wing (except for those we handed them on a plate) and playing for pride the second half score was only 15 points to 5 (although I am taking some dramatic licence with the facts you understand). A massive positive is when there were handbags thrown the team stood tall and stood together, except for Ross and Jamie who went off with mysterious injuries meaning we finished the last game with 14 players and the multi talented
Man of the match went to Mike Solway who had a tremendous second half despite constantly mouthing off and held the scrum firm for despite the score they never dominated us up front, and I suppose I should mention Dave Clark who scored a try with the last play of the game and Alex Duncan who convinced no one but himself he could kick the conversion which he duly missed.
Muppet of the match went to ...(drum roll please)... Jam Harries who drank his 'little bit of everything punishment pint' with the wrong hand so had to do it again.
Beers aplenty on the way home as the minibus of justice turned into a bus full of fun with an extra moral boosting road race back from Maiden Castle followed by a lap of honour and a beer in the bar.
